“Just  F#*#*n’ Do It!!”

By Brian O’Keefe

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> I froze in my tracks at 35,000 feet. It was him. I panicked because I forgot exactly what I should do. Maybe he recognized me… I mean I had seen him up close and not so personal twice before.   But not like this.
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> Not in the hallway outside the bathroom of his personal jet.  But there he was…the Great John Paul. The Second.  PJP2 as the kids called him. (“JP TWO WE LOVE YOU!!”)   Yeah….The Pope.  I was on his plane.   I looked to see if he was carrying a Yoohoo bottle. (Explanation forthcoming)
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> There we were above the Atlantic halfway between Rome and Newark airport,  our destination for Il Papa’s last American visit.  And I had to go to the bathroom. But I could wait.
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> The man was stunningly mesmerizing. I kid you not…he glowed. An aura….bright as his white robe and vestments.  That’s the first time I’ve ever used that word: vestments.  He paused and smiled.  He sensed that I was nervous.  Remember,  I know everything, even what the Pope is thinking! He truly honestly gave off a peaceful, serene and loving vibe.  And cute like a little old grandpa.  Like Ronald Reagan, he too started out as actor– way back in Poland.  But this serenity glow thing was no act, indeed.
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> I recalled that old Joan Rivers joke about bumping into Queen Elizabeth: “Do I bow, do I curtsey….do I  lick the back of his head?”  I did neither and I can’t remember what I did but I believe he blessed me. And I didn’t faint.

Later, as we hurtled closer to America in his Alitalia Airbus..that rotates duty with a few other planes for security reasons,  I was getting my orders from  Father Gavin…I mean Senior Producer Gavin Boyle, the Catholic school principal in disguise. ((The wonderful career mentor, you may recall who sent me to London, not Paris — and frankly filled a couple of pages in my Passport early in my career and to whom I owe a souvenir or three, ))  Did I mention he was yelling?   The line was crackly since airplane phones–  back when they existed — were hit and miss.

“Just do it!”, he bellowed.  He was ordering me to do something very difficult and my plate was full…. or so I moaned.  I was already producing two pieces and I was hesitant to do what he asked.  We got disconnected.  I’d call again him closer to land.

I had worked three days straight with almost no sleep already but back in Rome …got a little something exclusive. We videotaped the Pope’s personal butler iron, fold and pack his vestments for the US trip.

Susan Spencer, the prim and proper one time White House correspondent, and I were a little effervescent, even a bit giggly.  No it wasn’t the altitude…and it wasn’t because we were on the Pope’s plane or that we had that cool, exclusive backstage butler-packing-vestments video. Nope.  We had something far greater. Some real huge news.  Before the trip, we had received a tip that the Archdiocese of Baltimore  (PJP2s second destination) had gotten a special top secret Papal catering request… that’s right: Il Papa had a particular beverage he liked and that Baltimore should stock up. 

No it wasn’t a fine, rare red wine…nope. Not Evian or Perrier or San Pellegrino …for that matter.  You probably won’t believe me if I tell you —-which I am now doing.

He loved Yoohoo.  Yep.  You are not hallucinating. You read it correctly.  Evidently,  Pope John Paul the Second,  no doubt the most popular Pope in history and therefore perhaps the most popular person to ever live…had a penchant for a certain watery chocolate flavored soda-like drink in yellow bottles and cans.  And his publicist, the great Joaquin Navarro-Walls (no doubt the most popular publicist to ever live) confirmed this fact in an interview on camera with Susan in Rome just hours before our flight.

Well, Navarro-Walls it turns out…could even teach PR royalty Pat Kingsley or Howard Bragman a thing or two.

Perhaps noticing our almost sky-high giddiness on board in the smoky rear steerage press section (yes Alitalia like Olympic Airways allowed smoking on planes til the bitter end I think the early 1990’s…. thirty years after Don Draper puffed with everyone else on Madison Avenue. And on Pan Am.)  Navarro-Walls came back looking for us and with no smile… looked rather urgent.  “Brian, Susan, remember when I told you that it was true that the Holy Father likes to drink the brown beverage in the yellow container??  ”  As we nodded “yes, we remember”,  the pits of something inside us sunk…as did the smiles on our faces.   He continued to shoot us in the chest: “I was wrong. That IS NOT T R U E AND THEREFORE you cannot use that information” …. with a stern “got it ….people??” look… and an extra lingering eyeball-to- eyeball confirmation glare at ME.  Producers always get those.   Eeeeeesh.  Our world exclusive that the most popular Pope ever and the only one my generation even paid attention to loved his morning Yoohoo and ordered it by the case….fizzled into blog-perpetuity.  Can you imagine the ad campaign with an endorsement like that?

Back to the airphone and my new important assignment: His Holiness Gavin was commanding the impossible.  While traveling with my crew (who incidentally included my father’s cousin Denis O’Keefe a superb Philadelphia photographer who was also allowed another rare exclusive but one that wasnt taken away: shooting video of PJP2 in his private First Class cabin reading his Bible.)   I was ordered to help Richard Schlesinger and his producer Mary Ellen Noonan (obligatory Mary Noonan reference) with their segment about a group of cloistered nuns leaving their Cloister for the first time, seriously, in decades to see il Papa JP2 at his Newark Cathedral Mass.  

I don’t know why I was being so difficult.  I would do anything for Mary and Richard.  Perhaps the Yoohoo Exclusive Withdrawal Sting had me whimpering and uncooperative.

It wasn’t really that hard and I wasn’t actually doing the work anyway..Denis would be.  They needed a shot of the nuns inside the Cathedral.   We were the only CBS camera crew within the Papal motorcade (and planecade).  So the nuns would either stand on their pew or even as bizarrely..wave paper so we could see them…and then videotape them.

Gavin had had enough of my whining. “Brian….G-d dammit just F–kin do it!!!”. You read correctly:  Yep, He cursed at me while I was on the Papal plane!  Father Boyle was finally talking like a TV producer.  All was OK, though. I usually delivered the bacon – or a good substitute. We spotted the nuns waving at us furiously. We got the shot that was needed.   The Schlesinger piece was great as were both of Spencer’s.

That trip to the Vatican was my most memorable. In my career I had four or five trips to Rome.  Again, how lucky am I.  Each trip I made a significant editorial contribution.  With Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson years later on GMA I found a rare film of PJP2 giving a tour of the Papal Apartments.

But there has been nothing more exciting… than bumping into the most special Pope ever onboard his plane.  A close second…maybe when I shadowed Paul McCartney in Chicago on tour….right out onto the stage.   Or maybe producing the only network interview post civil trial with Orenthal James Simpson.

Stories for another chapter, another day.  Stay tuned….later in our 48 Hours.